Brand New May Not Necessarily Be Quite New
by The Fire Fist
Summary: Sakata Gintoki lost his memory and decided it was an opportunity to start a brand new life as a brand new person, consequently cutting his ties with the people he used to know. All went well until he encountered a certain long-haired man from his past life, Katsura Kotarou. [Takes place in the Memory Loss Arc]
1. Prologue

**Brand New May Not Necessarily Be Quite New**

**Fandom ****:** Gintama

**Pairing** **:** Gintoki/Katsura (GinZura), eventually. Because this pairing deserves more fics.

**Rating** **:** T, just to be safe for later chapters.

**Warning** **:** None, as far as I think.. Oh! Gintama is funny, hilarious and awesome. Unfortunately, this fic is not. I'm sorry.

**Summary** **:** Sakata Gintoki lost his memory and decided it was an opportunity to start a brand new life as a brand new person, consequently cutting his ties with the people he used to know. All went well until he encountered a certain long-haired man from his past life, Katsura Kotarou. [Takes place in the Memory Loss Arc]

**Disclaimer :** This is a work of fanfiction with characters originally created by Sorachi Hideaki for Manga/Anime Gintama. I own no rights to them.

**Author Notes** **:** This story is loosely based on the Memory Loss Arc in Gintama (manga lessons 50-52, anime episodes 31-32), so it would make more sense if you have read or watched that Arc beforehand. Please bear in mind that Gintoki here is the Amnesiac Gintoki, not the usual dead-fish-eyed nose-picking Gintoki we're all familiar with. I hope you enjoy the story.

* * *

(***)

It had been three days since Gintoki had decided to leave his old life behind and start anew. Shinpachi-kun and Kagura-chan seemed like some nice kids, but that's precisely why he had decided to leave them. He didn't want to be a burden to them anymore. All the people he had met that day had one way or another said that his old self was pretty much a useless human being, after all. He was sure his former apprentices were happier now that he's no longer around.

As for Gintoki, he had found a job two days ago. There was a factory readily hiring every wandering samurai who needed a job and Gintoki was lucky because they also provided him with a place to stay. He wasn't even sure if he could be categorized into wandering samurai, but they had taken him in anyway. His work started pretty early in the morning and went on until lunch break at noon, and then continued until late in the afternoon. So far, this starting anew thing had been going well.

He was currently having the lunch break period of the day, walking on the streets of Edo looking for a nearby place to eat before he had to go back to work. All the while he wondered about what kind of a man his old self actually was. Was he really that bad? Kagura-chan had said he was a good-for-nothing lazy bum. Shinpachi-kun had told him that his old self did a lot of bad things and never bothered to apologize. His land-lady had said he never paid his rent. Shinpachi-kun's sister had said that he was an overly carefree person.

He figured the old Gintoki really was an awful person, then. Even the purple-haired ninja girl he had met that day had implied that he was some kind of a sadist. Gintoki sighed. He mentally went through his memories to look for more testimonies about his past self from the people he had met that day. Did he miss any? He then remembered about the long-haired man Shinpachi-kun and Kagura-chan had brought him to meet that day. They had met him in front of some kind of a hostess club, where that man had been trying to invite some customers in. Shinpachi-kun had told Gintoki that his name was Katsura Kotarou, and that he and Gintoki were old friends. That's why Shinpachi-kun and Kagura-chan had decided he was the first person Gintoki should meet, in hope of bringing his memories back.

What had that long-haired man said about him, again? Gintoki tried to remember. He remembered that man had said Gintoki was his underling or something like that. Gintoki smiled to himself. At least that man hadn't said anything bad about him. But was that true, that Gintoki was his underling? Gintoki could somehow sense some kind of playfulness from that man. Some kind of familiarity, like the two of them did that all the time, fooling around each other. And that was probably true if what Shinpachi-kun said about them being close friends was also true. Probably that's part of the reason why Gintoki had gone along when that man had suggested him to come to the club to forget about his worries. Well, he had _tried_ to go along at least, before Shinpachi-kun had stopped him.

Gintoki smiled and slightly shook his head at the memories. He was snapped out of his thoughts when some neighborhood kids almost ran into him. Only then did he realize that he had been so deep in his thoughts, he had no longer paid attention to where he was going. He looked around him. He didn't recognize the streets nor the buildings, and the tall buildings of the factory where he worked were nowhere in sight. He was lost. He had planned to go looking for a nearby place to eat lunch, but now he didn't even know where he was.

Gintoki looked around him once more, trying to find someone he could ask for directions. He spotted a Buddhist monk sitting at the side of the road not too far ahead of him, and then headed in that direction. As he got closer, he realized that the monk looked so much like the long-haired man he had been thinking about not too long before. Katsura Kotarou. But he could be mistaken because the monk wore a wide-brimmed hat, shading most of his face. Besides, what would that man be doing here, dressed as a monk? Was that really him?

"Um.. Excuse me?" Gintoki tried to get the man's attention.

"It's not excuse me, it's Katsura!" the answer Gintoki got from the man almost sounded automatic and it caught him slightly off guard.

The man looked up at Gintoki and furrowed his delicate eyebrows ever so slightly upon seeing him.

"Gintoki," The tone was calm and flat, so unlike his outburst just a moment before. "What do you want?"

Gintoki smiled at him and scratched his hair slightly, "Ah, so it's really you. Err.. Katsura-san, right?"

"It's not Katsura-san, it's Zura!" he cleared his throat, "Uh, I mean Katsura."

Gintoki just stood there, confused.

The man let out a sigh, taking his wide-brimmed hat off and looking at Gintoki more carefully, almost to the point of making Gintoki felt uncomfortable under his gaze. He then continued, "So it's true, then. You lost your memory."

It wasn't so much a question as it was a statement. Gintoki only nodded, "Yes."

Gintoki watched as the other man sighed again and finally stood up in a cat-like movement, swift yet graceful. He wondered how the man managed to move like that.

"Figured. You would never call me by my proper name otherwise."

(***)

The raven-haired man brought him to a nearby small eatery after Gintoki told him about his predicament of being lost. On the way there, they talked about a few things. Gintoki asked him about why he was suddenly a monk while the last time he saw him he was some kind of a hostess club promoter. The other man told him that he did various kinds of job. It's like a slightly different kind of Gintoki's Yorozuya, that's how the man had put it.

Talking about the Yorozuya, Gintoki had also told the long-haired man about his decision to disband it and start a new life. Gintoki wasn't able to read the man's expression then. He kept his face calm and unreadable, and only responded with a simple "I see." and they spent the rest of the way in silence after that.

Once they arrived at the small eatery, Gintoki ordered a bowl of ramen while his companion ordered some takeaway fishcakes to eat later. He said he couldn't stay long because he had to meet up with Elizabeth somewhere else that afternoon. Gintoki learned that the one Katsura-san called Elizabeth was apparently that white duck-penguin mutant he had seen alongside the black-haired man when they had met three days ago.

"Um, Katsura-san?" Gintoki tried to make a conversation while they're waiting for their orders.

Gintoki noted his companion's facial expression had always been calm, almost stoical, since they met earlier that day. So he was surprised to see a slight grimace in the man's face now.

"All these years I can't even count how many times I've tried to make you call my name properly, Gintoki. You never did. Now that you do, why does it sound so wrong?"

Gintoki laughed awkwardly. "Ah yes, I've been told my old self wasn't very polite. I don't remember what I used to call you, but I imagine it's not a pleasant nickname for you. I'd like to apologize, Katsura-san."

To Gintoki's dismay, Katsura-san's grimace didn't necessarily go away. "And your old self certainly wouldn't apologize for that. Not to me. It sounds even more wrong."

That made Gintoki wondered once again, just how bad was his past self? Before, he had felt a slight hope, remembering how Katsura-san hadn't said anything bad about him when they met three days ago. But now, he found out that Gintoki apparently had called his friend names, and never apologized for it. What kind of person did such awful thing to their own friend? And that also brought back the questions that had been hovering in the back of his mind since earlier that day. Were they really friends? How was their relationship exactly?

"Just rid of the honorific." His companion's words snapped Gintoki back from his reverie.

"Yes?" Gintoki blinked confusedly.

"Just call me Katsura. Rid of the honorific."

"Oh. K-katsura. Katsuu.. ra.." He tried rolling the name on his tongue. He then rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "As I thought, it's awkward. I think I can't do that yet, Katsura-san. I'm still awkward with people." He chuckled.

The long-haired man sighed, "It can't be helped, then. Take your time."

Through the silence that followed, Gintoki gathered the courage to ask the questions he needed answers to. The answers he believed the man sitting close to him now could give him.

"Katsura-san.." he started. "I know I said that I would leave my past and start a new life, but I couldn't help but wonder about what kind of man I was. Shinpachi-kun said you and I were old friends. Is that true? If yes, then I'm sure you'd know me well. What kind of man was Sakata Gintoki, Katsura-san?"

Gintoki watched anxiously as his companion shifted his folded arms just a bit tighter around himself inside of the sleeves of his robe and set his back just a bit straighter. Gintoki wondered how he could maintain that calm and composed demeanor all the time. Gintoki wagered he must have at least grown up in a noble family to have such noble aura. His neat long jet black hair only added to his already dignified nature in Gintoki's eyes.

"It's only natural for a man to want to know about his own past, no matter how far he had gone from it. I'm sure you have a lot of questions in your mind right now, Gintoki. I'm afraid I can't answer all of them now as we don't have the time." Katsura-san finally said. "But I can at least answer one question. Shinpachi-kun was right, you and I have known each other since we were just small children."

Gintoki listened to Katsura-san with so much interest and a slight awe, "We have known each other for that long?"

The black-haired man just nodded.

"And Katsura-san, you said before that I'm your.. subordinate. Is that also true?" Gintoki pressed.

The other man raised his eyebrows and tilted his head to the side slightly, "Did I say that?"

Gintoki nodded, anticipating the answer.

He certainly didn't expect his companion to chuckle softly and said, "Oh yeah, I remember now. I thought the whole amnesia thing was just something you made up to get away from some responsibilities. That's why I said what I said. And that's why I invited you to come to the club to forget your worries. Because knowing you, you would much prefer to forget your responsibilities than to actually do them." Katsura-san shook his head, still smiling. "No, you're not my subordinate. I won't go into details now, but if anything, we're comrades. We did fight a war together in the past."

Gintoki gasped, "A war? We did?"

"Yes. But let's not talk about it now. Whether you want your memory back or not, let me assure you that the memory about the war is not the first thing you would want to remember."

Gintoki could see a small frown marring the man's feature when he said that, and Gintoki immediately knew he shouldn't press about it any further for now.

"So why did you do that, Katsura-san? Lying about me being your underling." Gintoki asked instead.

Gintoki was glad to see the frown on the long-haired man's face disappear and was replaced with a smile of amusement instead.

"You wouldn't understand it now, but that's just what the old Gintoki and I used to do to each other." His voice was full of amusement. And then he shook his head, "I'm not supposed to talk about you like you're not even here, so let me rephrase that. Well, it's just the way the past you and I act around each other. No misleading or harm intended. Just now I realize, now that you're no longer how you were, what I said may actually hurt your feelings, so I apologize."

"Oh no, Katsura-san! You don't need to apologize. I was just wondering." Gintoki answered quickly. "Besides, I've heard much worse that day.."

The other man looked confused, "What do you mean?"

Gintoki rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled, "After I met you that day, I met other people too, and they all said I was basically a good-for-nothing rascal in the past."

The long-haired man stared at Gintoki for a long moment, as if he was deliberating about what to say, before finally saying, "Well, that may be true. But like I said before, your current self probably wouldn't understand it, but your old self would know they didn't actually mean to hurt your feelings by saying those things, Gintoki. That's just how your relationship was with people."

Gintoki stared back at the man's emerald orbs for a few moments, and then finally smiled and said, "Thank you, Katsura-san."

Gintoki wasn't sure if Katsura-san said those words because they're actually the truth or only because the man merely tried to make Gintoki feel better about himself. But Gintoki _did_ feel better about himself, so he supposed he should be thankful.

Their orders arrived a few moments later, and Katsura-san took his takeaway before excusing himself.

"Alright then, I've got to go, Gintoki. Will you be fine?" he furrowed his eyebrows slightly and Gintoki could easily mistake that for worries. Gintoki probably just saw things, but that didn't stop the warmth he felt in his heart, which was silly.

"I'll be fine." He smiled. "I'll ask the shop owner for directions to my work place. I won't get lost again. Thank you for everything today, Katsura-san."

The man nodded, "I'll be on my way then."

Gintoki was hungry, and there was a fresh bowl of hot ramen in front of him, wafting delicious smell to his nostrils, tempting and waiting for him to devour it. But all of that was temporarily forgotten as his eyes trailed after the retreating figure of the man who he had just learned was actually his childhood friend and comrade. The man walked briskly, with precise movements, and Gintoki wondered once again how he could manage to look graceful while doing so. Gintoki suddenly wished he could ask his old self whether the long-haired man also fought battles in such manners; swift, precise, and graceful. He just couldn't help but wondered. Apparently they had fought a certain war together in the past, after all. His old self would certainly know.

Through the window, Gintoki watched on as Katsura-san suddenly stopped in his track not too far away from the eatery Gintoki was in. He wondered what had suddenly stopped the man. After a moment, he saw his childhood friend then walked very slowly to the side of the road and finally squatted down. Gintoki squinted and leaned closer to the window to look at the scene more closely as the other man reached out his hand to something small, white, and fluffy…

"Wait, is that a kitten..?" Gintoki wondered aloud.

The other man actually stopped and squatted down to pet a small kitten! What was going on here? Gintoki raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth slightly as he watched how the man gently stroked the kitten's head, down to its neck, and further down to its back. The wide-brimmed hat did nothing to hide the bright smile which was obviously painted on his childhood friend's face, and Gintoki could swear he actually saw some shade of pink on the pale smooth cheeks even through such distance.

From the previous encounter with the man that day, Gintoki had the impression that Katsura-san was a calm, composed, and serious man. The man even almost struck him as gloomy. So Gintoki found what he was currently witnessing hard to believe.

Gintoki furrowed his eyebrows as Katsura-san took out a bundle of something which Gintoki recognized as the takeaway fishcakes that he just bought earlier. The man then carefully put one layer of the food wrappers on the ground in front of the small kitten and then put most of the food on top of it, leaving only a small amount for himself. He stroked the kitten's head once more before standing up and continued walking.

In that moment, after watching how his childhood friend had petted and fed the small animal, Gintoki felt like there were suddenly tons of small kittens literally filling up his heart, making it warm and fuzzy.

Gintoki kept on staring at the long-haired man until the man made a turn and disappeared from his sight. He then heaved a long sigh. He was baffled. Three days ago, when they had met for the first time after Gintoki lost his memory, Katsura-san had seemed like a playful person, almost comically so. Today, the man had showed his calm and serious side, almost completely the opposite. And then the whole affair with the small kitten happened… The man was an enigma.

Gintoki surprised himself when he found himself wanting to know more about that man.

Three days ago, he had been resolved to leave his past behind and start a brand new life as a brand new person, consequently cutting his ties with the people he used to know. Right now, as he finally started slurping on the thankfully still warm ramen, he pondered whether he should take a chance on having this man from his past, Katsura Kotarou, as a part of his new life, again.

Would it be a good idea to continue their friendship? Well, given Gintoki's current circumstances, the more appropriate question would be: Would it be a good idea to try _restarting_ their friendship all over again? The fact that they had been friends since their childhood and had been able to maintain their friendship until way into their adulthood must mean each of them had certain qualities which complemented each other and bonded the two of them throughout all those times. The problem was, Gintoki was pretty much a different person now. Would their relationship still work out now that he might have lost those certain qualities he used to have?

Gintoki sighed again, and then he looked out the window. He watched as the small kitten happily ate the fishcakes generously given by the raven-haired man earlier, and Gintoki smiled. He supposed it might not be a bad idea to at least try.

(***)

* * *

**Author Notes:**

I realize I've still got a lot to learn when it comes to writing, so I would appreciate your feedback.

It's my first published fic. If you'd like, let me know whether I should continue posting the rest of this story or just continue polishing my writing skills first before posting anything to the web, after all.

Anyway, thanks for reading :)


	2. Chapter 1

(***)

After his encounter with Katsura-san yesterday, Gintoki had failed to return to the factory on time, resulting in him getting a stern warning from his manager. Well, he was a new employee after all. He's supposed to be working really hard and be really disciplined. Breaking any rule one more time, and he would surely get fired. And Gintoki certainly couldn't afford getting fired. Not now, considering his current circumstances.

The place where he had eaten his lunch yesterday (Gintoki had learned that the place's owner was a middle-aged man with kind and smiling eyes named Ishikawa-san) turned out to be quite a distance away from the factory. Going to that place again during the short lunch break periods was out of the question. He would be late again, and going back late would mean him getting fired. So his only options were either having his lunch at a nearby place only one or two buildings away from the factory, or he could prepare a lunch box to just eat inside his work place.

That's why, Gintoki thought, no matter how much he wanted to see Katsu..- uh, he meant, no matter how much he wanted to eat the delicious ramen from Ishikawa-san's eatery again, he couldn't afford to go back there again during his lunch breaks.

Yes, Gintoki really thought the ramen was delicious..

Yeah, right. He mentally laughed to himself. Well, okay, he admitted that the ramen was not his main concern. He actually wanted to see the raven-haired enigma who had been plaguing his mind ever since their encounter yesterday. There were tons of things he really wanted to talk about with the other man.

Their encounter had brought a new light to Gintoki's perception about his past life. Before, because of people's not-so-nice descriptions about his past self, he had almost felt revolted with himself. Why would he want to continue living such an awful life as such an awful person? His decision to throw that life away had been so easy. At that time, it had seemed like the wisest and the most reasonable decision for him to make, both for himself and the people around him. He had even completely lost any interest in wanting his memory back, or in wanting to know more about his identity.

However, Katsura-san's words had made him reconsider everything. The long-haired man had not expressly opposed the notion that Gintoki had been a good-for-nothing rascal in the past, but he had not confirmed it either. And what intrigued Gintoki the most was how the other man had implied that Gintoki's relationship with the people around him might not be as simple as how he had thought it was. That's why, Katsura-san had suggested, Gintoki shouldn't feel offended by their spiteful sounding comments.

And that made Gintoki think, and hope, that maybe, just maybe, there was actually more to himself than just a useless human failure everyone had seemed to detest.

After Katsura-san had left him yesterday, Gintoki had belatedly realized, regrettably so, that he hadn't got the chance to ask the other man about where he lived, or at least where Gintoki would be able to find him if he wanted to see him again. That's why, right now, his best bet would be to go to where they had met yesterday, hoping he would find the long-haired man again there.

Gintoki realized the possibility of him meeting the other man at that place again was small. Katsura-san had said that he did various kinds of jobs after all, so it's not like the man would be doing the same thing at the same place every single day. Now that he couldn't even try finding the other man during his lunch breaks, Gintoki ruefully realized that the already small possibility became even smaller now, because God knows where the other man might be at other times of the day.

He could only hope that the fate would be kind enough to allow him to meet the man again, somehow. He really hoped so.

(***)

The sun was still a good distance away from the horizon when Gintoki walked on the streets of Edo that late afternoon. He had got off of his work for the day, freshly showered and dressed in a freshly washed clothes, walking on the same path he had walked on just a day before, hoping to meet a certain raven-haired man along the way.

Gintoki could feel his hope started diminishing when he didn't see a certain monk with silky long hair at the place he had spotted him yesterday. And as the sun finally set, the sky grew darker, and he still didn't see any sign of the other man's presence, Gintoki still held on to the possibility that Katsura-san might suddenly show up to have a late diner at Ishikawa-san's eatery. So Gintoki waited there, eating his diner slowly, too slowly, with heart skipping a beat every time he saw someone entering the small eatery. But none of those people was a man with silky long black hair and brownish emerald eyes whom Gintoki was hoping to see.

By the time Gintoki walked slowly back home that night, empty-handed and heavy-hearted; Ishikawa-san's small eatery, along with most of other shops in that part of Edo, had long closed for the night.

(***)

The next day, Gintoki remembered about one other place where he could go to try finding Katsura-san. The hostess club. That's where Gintoki had met him for the first time after all. Gintoki mentally berated himself for not remembering about it yesterday. How had it slipped his mind? Well, Gintoki figured it might be because that particular day, only several days ago in reality, had seemed so far away now after everything that happened.

Gintoki decided to look for Katsura-san around that place today. He remembered the place wasn't too far from where he used to live, in a district called Kabukicho. Apparently, the district was where entertainment establishments were concentrated in Edo. Gintoki didn't remember the exact location of the club, but at least he remembered the name of the district. He would start from there.

As he entered the district that late afternoon, Gintoki raked his brain, trying to remember the name of the nightclub. He only managed to remember he had seen the word "Samurai" on the club's sign. He believed there was other word preceding it, but unfortunately he couldn't for the life of him remember what it was. So Gintoki timidly asked around for directions to every clubs which had the word "Samurai" in their name, earning him some knowing smirks as well as some odd looks from the people nearby; the formers were from male bystanders, while he got the laters from the female ones, especially the middle-aged ones. Gintoki just smiled awkwardly at them.

There were also people who apparently recognized who he was. Gintoki explained to them that he had lost his memory and apologized because he didn't remember who they were, while bowing slightly. And that, to Gintoki's dismay, earned him even more odd looks from them, both men and women alike this time. Gintoki just politely excused himself from them.

Some of those people wouldn't believe he had amnesia, accusing him of making it up to avoid having to pay his debts to them. It took him quite a long time to assure them that he wasn't lying and that he would pay his debts once he got the amount of money needed. Considering his current job, Gintoki realized it wouldn't be anytime soon, unfortunately.

Gintoki heaved a long sigh. He honestly felt it wasn't fair, like he had to be responsible for something that somebody else had done, had to pay for somebody else's debts, was being blamed for something he didn't even do. Well, something that he didn't _remember_ doing, to be exact. However, deep down, Gintoki dejectedly realized that it didn't matter whether he remembered or not, _he_ had done those things, so _he_ had to take the responsibility. That made him realize how foolish and selfish he had been. Starting a new life was not as simple as he had thought it would be. How foolish he had been, thinking he could just simply walk away from his old life, leaving his responsibilities behind. How selfish.

His decision to start a new life might consequently cut his ties with the people he used to know, but Gintoki wouldn't let his debts to those people left unpaid. His conscience wouldn't allow him.

"Gintoki."

Suddenly there was a silky smooth voice calling his name from behind, bringing him back from his reverie, and Gintoki quickly spun around and his eyes immediately caught an equally silky smooth long black hair.

"Katsura-san!"

Gintoki realized a split second later that he was grinning like a maniac and that he was shouting the other man's name probably a little bit too excitedly. _"I had been looking all over for you!" _That's what he wanted to add, but Gintoki thought his over-excitement might scare the other man off, or at least confused him, so Gintoki tried reducing his grin to a smile and changing his tone to a more neutral one instead.

"Katsura-san." he repeated.

The raven-haired man furrowed his eyebrows slightly, "Are you alright?"

His over-excitement really weirded the other man out then, Gintoki thought. He mentally scolded himself.

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?" he tried keeping his smile unwavering.

"I've been calling you several times before you finally responded." Katsura-san finally said. "And you were walking straight into that fruit stall." he gestured towards something behind Gintoki.

Gintoki looked behind him and indeed there was a fruit stall merely a couple of steps away from him. Had he not stopped because of Katsura-san, he would've run straight into that fruit stall.

"Uh.." he tried to explain how he was so deep in thought he hadn't even heard someone calling his name nor seen something right in front of him. Gintoki inwardly told himself he should stop having reveries in the middle of the road.

"And just now I heard people talking about a certain perm-haired young man asking for directions to _all_ Samurai cabarets available in this area." The long-haired man continued, arching his eyebrow ever so slightly.

Gintoki's eyes widened at that. He flushed and sputtered, "T-that's.. No, I.."

He helplessly watched as Katsura-san sighed and shook his head slightly.

"Gintoki, I understand you must have a lot of things going through your mind right now, a lot of things that confuse you. You're so clouded with thoughts, you're not even able to pay attention to your surroundings anymore."

Gintoki saw something in Katsura-san's expression which he could only define as concern. Concern for him. So Gintoki stayed silent. He didn't have anything to argue anyway. What Katsura-san said was right.

"However," The raven-head continued. "Indulging yourself in superfluous delectations, such as women and other entertainments in cabarets, is not a wise solution. It would weaken your body, spirit, and willpower." The man looked grave. "It may still be okay if you want to go to one to forget your worries for a while, but I believe it is unnecessary to go to all cabaret clubs you can find."

Well, that part was _not_ right.

"No, Katsura-san! Please don't misunderstand." Gintoki chuckled frantically. "I was, uh.." he paused, debating whether he should tell the man about the real reason why he was looking for those clubs. The safest option would be to lie, because he didn't want Katsura-san to think that he's being.. well, clingy. He was still not sure whether the other man even still wanted to have anything to do with Gintoki. Well, he could even say the Gintoki now was no longer the Gintoki Katsura-san had been friends with since childhood, after all. "I was just asked to check those clubs." he finally said.

The other man just stood there, staring at Gintoki, as if urging him to elaborate.

"My friends from where I work asked me to do that. We're planning to visit a nightclub together this weekend, and they asked me to look for the most appropriate place for us. So I plan to check all of the clubs in this area if possible." Gintoki lied.

Katsura-san then nodded slowly, looking at Gintoki carefully. "I see."

Gintoki suddenly had a feeling that the other man could actually see right through his lie. But he immediately shook that feeling away almost as soon as it came.

"Kind of unwise of them, don't you think?" Katsura-san continued after a few moments.

"Unwise?" Gintoki blinked.

"Yes. Unwise and insensible." The slightly smaller man started. "I wouldn't ask an amnesiac such as yourself to scout for cabaret clubs, if I were them. I would ask someone who's familiar with this area instead. " He frowned. "Or are they not aware of your situation, Gintoki?"

"Oh," Gintoki answered. "They _do_ know. But I'm the new guy, after all. The _kouhai_. I'm the one who's supposed to do that kind of work."

Gintoki inwardly grimaced at how good he was at lying and making excuses.

His companion just nodded, and Gintoki observed the man more properly during the silence that followed. Katsura-san wasn't dressed like a monk today. He wore a really neat blue kimono with a yellow sash around his slim waist. It wasn't particularly a cold day today, but the man wore a really pale blue, it almost looked white, _haori_ on top of his kimono and there were white socks and slippers adorning his feet. The man had his forearms wrapped on his torso, inside the sleeves of his _haori_. So Gintoki found out today, not only did the man behave with proper manners, he also dressed with such mannerism.

Also, Gintoki couldn't help but notice the man's hair. The last time he had seen Katsura-san, the man had had his hair tied near the end in complement to his monk getup. But now, the man let his silky long _long_ black hair down. The jet black color contrasted nicely with his pale blue _haori_, and Gintoki couldn't help but stare.

"You look nice.."

When Gintoki saw the other man blinked and then slightly narrowed his brownish emerald eyes in confusion, he belatedly realized that he had just unconsciously said that out loud instead of just inwardly.

"Ah, I mean.. I mean you dress so well!" Gintoki made some awkward gestures towards the other man's clothes. "That's a really nice kimono.. and a nice _haori_.. and.. well-"

"Hold on-" the raven-haired man cut Gintoki's rambling, eyes widened slightly, not quite in panic, as his calm composure still remained. "What do you call this, again?" he grabbed his own _haori_.

"That's.. your _haori_.. right?" Gintoki was confused, but he answered nonetheless.

"And this?" the other man grabbed his own kimono now.

"That's your kimono."

Gintoki didn't know why the other man was suddenly so interested in asking him about his own garments.

"What's the color of your favorite kimono, Gintoki?" The dark-haired man asked again.

Gintoki unconsciously looked down at the grayish white kimono he was currently wearing.

"No, not that one." Katsura-san quickly said. "The one you used to wear all the time."

Gintoki looked up and realized he didn't know which kimono the other man was referring to.

"I..," Gintoki started. "I don't know.. I mean, I don't remember.."

"I see." The long-haired man held his gaze for a few moments, "What's the difference between ramen and soba?"

Gintoki still didn't know why he was being quizzed like that, but he answered anyway, "Uh.. Soba noodles are made of buckwheat, while ramen noodles are made of.. well, wheat? I think?"

"Which one do I prefer more among the two? Do you know?" The other man pressed.

Gintoki genuinely felt bad for not knowing the answer, like the other man might actually get upset if he didn't know his food preference. "I.. don't know."

He felt relieved when he saw the raven-haired man only nodded, maintaining his calm features, with no signs of anger whatsoever.

"Do you know what a shogun is?" was Katsura-san's next question.

Gintoki nodded in response.

"Do you.." The slightly smaller man hesitated, "Do you know the name of the Shogun who made our Sensei get-" he cut his own speech, eyes flickered away from Gintoki for a brief moment before going back to look at him carefully. "Do you know the name of the Shogun when the amanto first invaded our country?" he finally asked instead.

Gintoki furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head, "I don't."

Katsura-san didn't say anything then. Upon hearing Gintoki's answer, he looked at the ground, eyes furrowed as if he was so deep in thought.

"Um, Katsura-san?" Gintoki started carefully. "Why did you ask me those questions?"

No response.

"You mentioned about our Sensei..?" Gintoki tried again. "What-"

"It's selective then.." The other man mumbled almost inaudibly, still looking so deep in thought.

"Katsura-san?" Gintoki tried calling him again, louder this time.

"Your amnesia." The other man finally looked at Gintoki. "The nature of your memory lost is selective then."

Gintoki didn't say anything in response, silently urging the long-haired man to continue. He started to understand where Katsura-san's previous questioning was heading.

"You still remember all common knowledge that you've learned throughout your life. The name of each of our clothing pieces, the differences between certain foods, the governmental system of our country.. Those are knowledge you learned and stored in your memory. You didn't lose those." The raven-haired man went on. "But you lost only certain memories.. You lost all memories which can be associated with yourself, apparently. Memories about your identity.. Memories about the people related to you.."

His companion's words made Gintoki realize that up until that moment, he had been too busy being upset about what he knew of his past self, too busy thinking about starting his life anew. His mind had been so preoccupied by those things, he had never bothered to actually look into the root of his predicament: his amnesia.

Katsura-san was right. Gintoki didn't have any problem doing his everyday activities. He knew how to take a bath, down to how he should move his hands to scrub the grime off his back. He knew how to wear his clothes properly. He knew that Japan's currency was Yen, along with other common knowledge like that. He had to have learned those skills and knowledge at some point in his life, and those acquired skills and knowledge had to have been stored in his memories for him to access whenever he needed to. Those memories were still intact, still accessible. The memories associated with himself, on the other hand.. He couldn't for the life of him access them, not even a fragment.

"I believe it is called Dissociative Amnesia. Or could it be.. that you're in a Fugue state?" The raven-haired man then looked at Gintoki curiously, brows furrowed and eyes narrowed. "Come to think of it, you haven't told me what exactly happened right before you lost your memory, Gintoki."

"I don't remember, but I was told that I had a head injury from a traffic accident I was involved in." Gintoki answered. "Katsura-san, what is a Fugue state?"

Gintoki believed it was not exactly a common knowledge. Well, at least he was sure he was not the only one who didn't know what that was.

"When a person is in a Fugue state, they don't remember or are confused about their own identity. They tend to detach away from their familiar surroundings in order to find a new identity."

Well, Gintoki thought, that sounded a lot like a state he was in now, indeed.

"But the cause is commonly psychological, instead of physical circumstances such as yours seems to be, though.." the slightly smaller man added absentmindedly, looking deep in thought.

"I see." Gintoki nodded. "You're really knowledgeable, Katsura-san." He smiled.

Gintoki saw the other man looked as if he was snapped out of his thought by Gintoki's remark, and Gintoki watched on as the man flickered his eyes to the side briefly before saying "I, uh.. I heard about it before. From someone. Yes, I did." The man looked as if he was trying to convince himself instead of Gintoki. And then the man suddenly changed the subject. "Um, by the way Gintoki, did you see Elizabeth around here?"

"Elizabeth-" It took Gintoki a moment to remember who the other man was referring to. "Oh, Elizabeth-san? No, I didn't. Why?"

"I asked him to buy some shampoo to the convenience store this afternoon, but he still hasn't come back even though it's been hours since then, so I went looking for hi-"

"KATSURAAAA!"

Gintoki's mind barely registered the shout as he saw Katsura-san forcefully launch his body towards him all of a sudden. Their bodies collided and the impact made the both of them fall to ground. He felt his body being pulled by the other man, causing the two of them to roll on the ground several times, away from their previous position. And then a split second later, he suddenly heard a really loud explosion from somewhere near him.

Their bodies finally stopped rolling, with Gintoki flat on his back. It all happened so fast Gintoki didn't even have the time to properly comprehend what was going on as he felt the other man's body on top of him. And among the _"Did someone just shout Katsura-san's name?"_, _"What the hell is going on?!"_, and _"What was that loud sound just now?"_ which were frantically going through Gintoki's mind, there was also _"Katsura-san looks slim and delicate, but his body actually feels firm and solid against mine.."_ floating about.

"Tch, didn't they see that there are innocent citizens around?" Gintoki heard the other man remark with slight pants above him. "Got to go. Later, Gintoki."

"Wha- Katsura-san, wait!"

But the other man had already got off of Gintoki and was sprinting away. Gintoki quickly looked around confusedly and was shocked to see the fruit stall from before had turned into smithereens now. So Gintoki figured the loud explosion he had heard was actually the sound of the fruit stall being blown to pieces. Who on earth had done this? If Katsura-san hadn't thrown their bodies away, the both of them would've got blown to pieces too!

That was when he saw two men dressed in dark-colored uniforms running to the direction where Katsura-san had gone to, pursuing the long-haired man. One of them was taller, with dark hair, while the shorter of the two had light brown hair. Gintoki then noticed that the later was carrying a bazooka, and concluded that the man was the one who had blown the fruit stall.

"Don't run away, Katsura! You're under arrest!" The taller pursuer shouted.

Under arrest? Gintoki quickly got up from his previous position on the ground. They're trying to arrest Katsura-san? From the speech, Gintoki supposed they were probably police officers. He sprinted after them as fast as he can. Gintoki was sure there had to be some kind of misunderstanding. Katsura-san was _not_ a criminal.

"Wait!" He shouted, but they didn't seem to hear him. "Please wait!"

Gintoki watched as his childhood friend and the two men made a turn and disappeared from his sight. He kept on running, trying to catch up to them. A few moments later, Gintoki's eyes widened in panic when he heard some shouts, followed by another loud explosion.

Gintoki forced his legs to run faster to the direction of the sound, desperately hoping that the light brown-haired man had actually missed his target.

(***)

* * *

**Author Notes:**

_*) To those of you who haven't known already, Dissociative Amnesia and Fugue State are real phenomena in real life, I didn't make those up._

Thank you so much to all of you who have bothered to read, and then generously take the time to review, favorite, and follow my writing, and/or send positive messages about it. They mean a lot especially to a writer with a small audience, in small fandoms or ships, such as myself. They really motivate me to continue writing.

Even though I couldn't reply to every single one of you, please know that you are very much appreciated. :)


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